“Santa Claus (also known as Saint Nicholas, Father Christmas, Kris Kringle, and Santa) is a historical, legendary and mythical figure and a dick. In Western cultures, Santa Claus is thought of as bringing gifts on Christmas day, or, as it’s now known, The Day Before The Day After Christmas Sales. One legend associated with Santa holds that he lives in a land of perpetual snow. The American version of Santa Claus lives at the North Pole, while Father Christmas is said to reside in Finland. Other legends say that he is married and lives with Mrs. Claus, while still another says that Santa and Mrs. Claus had a bitter separation over what Mrs. Claus said was a ‘serious drinking problem,’ which Santa Claus maintained was just being ‘jolly.’

Many accounts of Santa Claus say that he delivers presents to all of the good boys and girls in the world in one night, and that he accomplishes this feat with the aid of magical elves who make the toys and the flying reindeer who pull his sleigh. Such a thing is, of course, preposterous, much like, say, a country invading another country that never attacked it and then being greeting as liberators. But myths such as these are entertaining to children, and, on occasion, adults, who are commonly known as ‘simpletons’ or ‘half-wits.’

(Dickipedia via 23/6)