The press release:
Rev. Ivan Stang announced today his retirement from the SubGenius Foundation, citing his ill demeanor and declining patience with internal conflict among the members of the SubGenius Church, appointing long-time collaborator Dr.K’taden Legume to the position of President and CEO of the Foundation.
Rev. Stang will continue to produce his nationally syndicated radio program, “The Hour of Slack”, and attend personal speaking engagements. Rev.Stang later commented, “I’m sick to death of dealing with idiots when my time can be better spent attempting to capture the vicious Jaggi”.
Dr.Legume immediately appointed Priestess Pisces as his VP, and stated that his first order of business is to examine the membership rolls and “weed out the dead weight and the malcontents”.
Legume announced that there will be a huge addendum to the church’s list of banned members prohibited from attending the SubGenius Foundation’s annual X-Day event, to be released to the public on June 30.
“This is the beginning of a new era for the SubGenius Church”, Legume stated earlier today, “My vision for the SubGenius Church is a radical departure from the tolerant policies of the past. While I expect it to be rough at the beginning as the flock gets used to the idea of a more controlled environment and more selective and stringent requirements for membership and participation in the SubGenius community, they will realize, that, as always, my way is the best way…the ONLY way. I expect this will be a new golden age for the SubGenius Church.”
Dr.Legume will be receiving a six figure salary commensurate with his duties and experience.